Vanished! How to Protect Yourself and Your Children - Talking to Your Children

      Someone asked me, “…as a father, how can I educate my children about different aspects of sex without lecturing them.” Let’s break it down into two parts, First, thousands of people are already talking to your children in one form or another. Their friends and peers, siblings and relatives, school teachers and other authorities, even complete strangers on television and through the many social media sites. Unfortunately, your children are being bombarded with sexually explicit conversations and images. And the Internet and Social Media play major roles. Monitor and limit those sources and activities.

      Like it or not, there is a big focus on teenage sex when it comes to our junior high and high school students. Peer pressure is very powerful. Bottom line, everyone else is talking to them, so as their father or mother you must be talking to them as well. As a parent, do not ignore your children when it comes to these awkward and uncomfortable topics. And both parents must be on the same page, more or less. Legally, when it comes to being a minor (typically under the age of 16 years.) engaging in sexual activities or possessing sexually explicit photographs and materials are illegal. Morally, some parents would like their children to sustain from sex until they are married, or at least until they are a several years older. And by the way, “Sexting” is very popular with students. Be aware, if a student is caught with sexual images of another young student on their cell phones they may be legally charged with child pornography. Monitor those cell phones as well.

      Secondly, as their parents, you need to talk to them. That is your responsibility. You need to be that trustful and guiding voice in their lives. Not some stranger. But at the same time you must represent that authority in their lives. You are their parents! Always remember that. You are not their friend or some stranger suggesting what they should do or think. Always be the comforting and reassuring adult, but be the adult in charge. Set the Rules! Teach both the legal and moral aspects of having consensual and safe sex. And emphasize that consensual sex means both individuals are fully consenting. There can never be any threats, coercion or trickery involved when it comes to consenting. It is okay to say, “No!” And, “No!” means exactly that, “No!”

      However, it is not the talking or lecturing that most parents are worried about. Forget that age old saying that children never listen to their parents. Children of all ages, from toddlers to teenagers, are actually hearing every word you say. So be sure to choose your words and tone of voice very carefully. But here is what many parents are really nervous about, it is how they react towards you. Subconsciously, you are reading their body language and it doesn’t look good from where you are sitting. That is okay. Just talk to them anyhow. Simply ignore the attitudes. This is about them, not you. Make it a two-way discussion and be constructive, not destructive. Let your children know it is okay to come and talk to you. To ask questions. Be sure to check your attitude as well. Even your expressions will decide future trust and conversations.

      In addition, you must know exactly what you are teaching them. Especially when it comes to matters of safety and security. But just as importantly, you must truly “understand” the subject matter from both your perspective and their view point. Part of teaching “sexual exploitation and aggression” is using the age-appropriate material. So once again, prepare yourself carefully before you try to prepare them. Just know that teaching them about these topics is not only okay, but it is absolutely 100% necessary. In my book, I explain all about sexual exploitation and assaults. And I will provide you with many resources for your research. You must educate yourself before educating your children. I do in fact warn parents about lecturing children. Don’t do it. These are not students. They are your children, and if anyone should be teaching them about life it is you. It is called parental rights for a reason. And secondly, parents are not always right. We all make mistakes. We all find certain topics awkward. That too is normal. Just try your best.